After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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