I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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