With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize