Can i not drive my cunt home
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
