Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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