Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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