the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
