i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
