I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
