There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
