hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
