She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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