remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
