I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
God, I missed his penis.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
