we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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