just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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