Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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