just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
