I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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