i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize