just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
