The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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