Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
