8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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