I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
