I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
