Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She needs sedatives and a leash
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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