I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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