I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
