I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
