tell your sister to shave her snatch
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
