Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
