and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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