about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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