it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
