Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His nipple licking is glorious
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