I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
