Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
