I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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