Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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