As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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