my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
