and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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