no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
