i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
