Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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