I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
