He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
