YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
