"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
