you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this boner is exhausting
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
