I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
