They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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