I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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