if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Semen is not good for contacts.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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