just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
