Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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