shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
