I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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