I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
