i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Welp...herpes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
