Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
