drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
