did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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