I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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