i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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