how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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