We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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