We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
