there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
