im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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