I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
