The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this boner is exhausting
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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