The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize