There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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