I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I will die if light touches me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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