I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
