Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
